How's life man? I know i just dared to address you, the almighty GOD, as a mere mortal MAN; and asked the omnipotent about his life; but believe me, though I've done it purposefully, its with absolute humility. It is only because, today i DON'T want you to listen to me as the supreme power. But as a fellow human. A commoner who has gone through regular ups n downs of life and not as a ruler who's never tasted defeat. A friend who can guide me in my journey and not as a dictator who molds my life as per his whims n wishes.
Its been such a long time since we last communicated, isn't it? Dunno what exactly transpired and tore apart such a beautiful relationship between you and me. Were they the failures which i faced in life that frustrated me or was it just lethargy? What dude, what?
Apparently i broke up with you sometime in December but it seems you had sealed the fate a few days or even months in advance. Or so i'm forced to believe. That is why from being your favorite son once upon a time i became your least favorite child. Or again that's what i'm forced to believe.
You might be wondering what made me write to you all of a sudden. You have countless children but alas i don't have a similar luxury. So even if you forget a few like me you remain with
(countless-few= countless) but i am left stranded with a null set. Just to let you know am doing engineering, in case you forgot, so kindly excuse me for using a few such terms here and there. But since i'm a hopeless engineer in making, such terms won't be in abundance, so take it easy.
Coming back to the point- what compelled me to write to you. CLOSURE.
But honestly?
Yes.
No.
I don't know.
Somewhere I've been missing you in my life. Somewhere down the heart i want to become your favorite child once again. But then a voice in my mind says, "Agar use hi nahi padi hai toh why do you bother?" In nutshell- its complicated- its complex. And i want a ''human-god" to solve this complex equation.
Tell me dear lord where have i gone wrong? What sin have i committed for which I've been repaying for over 3 years now. I know I've made mistakes. Grave mistakes. Some of them knowingly. In fact most of them knowingly. But they weren't sins, were they? And in case they were, why didn't you slap me there itself, the way you have been slapping me now incessantly? But then i was your favorite child. You kept on rewarding me, irrespective of the fact whether i deserved it or not. Why did you escalate me to such magnificent heights? Only to throw me down later? Why is it that today even my sincerest of the efforts go unrewarded? Have i turned into such a rotten specie that i deserve all this? Or as a friend said, its a phase n you will get used to it. But then i don't want to get used to it. I want it to get over. The golden era surely didn't last this long.
Talking about the golden era, why does the past, my dear past return again n again to haunt me? Or is that i don't deserve a bit of peace of mind too? As if all this wasn't enough, you resend the bitch in my life phir se. Its been 72 hours and i haven't been able to do any productive work. NONE at all. Why is that? Or is it that u are trying to screw me justly citing a valid reason as to ensure that i don't write such crap to u again? I feel low. I feel cheated. I feel used. I feel molested. I feel pathetic. I feel like.............. I've been kissed.........by a dementor (what else can u send) sans my soul. Even the songs which i so dearly used to love are sending me into depression. I really feel as if nothing's gonna be alright. Ha. The fate is sealed it seems.
But is it really GOD?
Tell me. Tell me please. Tell me if even for a while i was a good boy, a good son, a good brother, a good friend, a sincere man. Tell me before i break down. Before i go blind in search of light in this insanely long tunnel. And please i'm not talking of the light coming from the train moving towards me. Show me that u still care for me. Show me that time is the only non-constant entity in this universe. Show me that if winter comes, spring isn't far away. Punish me for my follies, but reward me for my good deeds also. Help me MOVE ON.
Show me that u are GOD n also a human.
SHOW ME. SHOW ME.
I love you.
Sincerely yours,
Your once favorite kid wanting to reclaim his old status
.......
